hari om!!


All of us have some regrets in life..... So do I.. however the things you regret made you happy once** (i.e if you have heard the inner voice of your heart when it was done) but heart isn't always right!! my heart wasn't... regrets for the things we've done can be healed by time... its the regret for the things we should have done are inconsolable!! I have one such story to share!! (feels like i m into "share your story sessions" for inmates to make them strong and sensible) hope it works for me ;)


"I don't like it here" i said to my roommate "this place sucks... this place has no life!!!" there was this urge in me to break away from this place and go back home...somehow I wasn't fitting in there... i cant get up early, i cant walk for too long in the scorching heat, i cant understand politics.. people are too untidy o shabby "i don't crib for such things you know that" i said to my roommate "its just that i cant take it anymore..its above my patience level"..and as a happy friend would do he did the same consoled me.. (ya a sad friend of mine would have sat next to me and joined me in my abusive ceremony) "chill yaar.. go to college tomm and see what happens you'll love it here"it's my first class tomm...this hope he gave relaxed me... hope is magical it makes you build your dreams and dreams always make you happy** so with a happy mind i slipped in to my bed...the next day was a nice cloudy day " hope it drizzles today" i prayed, i like drizzling it gives a fresh feel, a nice warm earthy smell that it brings along... with a very positive aura(thanks to the hope that was around me and the lovely weather) i dressed up and was all ready to go... i always give a last look at the mirror before leaving.... this mirror which i sometimes feel was a magical one reflected my image saying "go out this is your day" nothing else would have made me this happy... (ya i know every mirror does that) so as i was on my way to attend the first lecture walking with joy doing a little jig on the way... I entered my class without looking around or checking out any one, I straight away went to the last bench ,may be I'm shy but i like the last bench and since it wasn't a school i can sit wherever i like.. later it was the introduction ceremony with teachers ...where they ask you all the goddamn rhetorical questions and act as if they are very nice or very strict... "why do you wanna join our institution??"A teacher asked "so that you can help me achieve my goals" she said (yes SHE) my least bothered mind jumped up "huh!!! who was that?? what a clever answer "( well my mind did took some time to judge wether it was clever , smart or a honest one) I looked around and i found this girl sitting on the next bench. My mouth was wide open when i saw her, as if i have seen some fairy for real ;) she was beauty with brains her face had this innocent smile and her voice had confidence that she means what she said...she looked at me and i was clueless on how to react...well i quickly threw a smile on my face which i normally do when i cant think of anything.. RRRRRIIIINNNNGGG!!!! screamed the bell in my ear and the clouds of day dreaming scattered around...i almost spent 2 hours thinking about us... i never usually do that but that day was perfect...green lawns around my college was not this greener seems like the grass has turned on a new skin...everything was so soothing to the eye and she fitted perfectly in that scene.. as if the scene has absorbed her... the scene is complete now i felt.. I spent two days on figuring how to break the ice??.... "Abey pehle time pooch lio, fir kahan se hai and hi, hello" said a friend:::: lmao this was one of the textbook methods "people still do this shitt" i asked with a laugh "abey leave that you do one thing try getting a seat next to her in the library.. she would be surrounded by some lady chipmunks but it wudnt be a problem and then start talking" instead of giving his idea a thought, i started thinking about the chipmunks... they're ugly for sure, two beautiful girls cant be friends coz a hotness of a girl is directly proportional to the ugliness of her friend..... nonsense i know!!! its mean ..but thats how guys think LADIES ;) well anyways i dropped this idea too ... they kept on suggesting me and i was just not bothered .. in the back of my mind i thought "i ain't that stupid.. she is not like the rest of them girls she's special a wrong move could be fatal" so for the next three days i thought about ways on breaking the ice (again)...but what i had forgotten was i ain't the first speaker type... its very hard for me to break the ice.. but still i tried ways of talking to her... i even thought of going by the old textbook method "its enough m gonna talk to her today o I'm not coming home" i said... this made my mates happy coz they know i wont and then its easy to take my case** time went by and the class was over everyone was leaving and i was feeling disturbed on not having enough guts... i went upstairs on the college terrace lighted up my ciggy (yeah we smoked in college :P) and sat thinking on what to do??? my mind isnt like this..i can think ** suddenly i hear a voice "what are you doing here?" i freaked "fck I'm caught"and i turned around to see this girl who's been in my thoughts all this while was looking at me and laughing "sorry sorry sorry " she said "Its alright (with the same stupid smile i give when i don't understand things)" "so you come here to smoke ??"she asked " no i like it here i just felt like smoking and you??" " ohh i love it here too its good to unwind and get your own space away from people" "ohh i must leave then may be it'll give you your space" i said cleverly "hhiiihhihii she laughed and said "NO NO NO people as in the people i hang out with those girls are way morrreee mature than their age... feels like i am with a bunch of my moms friend why cant they act their age mahn" she said with a disgust " i dunno may be they are built this way" what i actually meant was may be every girl is this way**hihihi...however she nodded and my heart gave out a grin...then we started talking about ourselves where i was from, where she was from, all the rhetorical question asked in the class came in again, but i did not find it foolish anymore i was happy asking and answering them... it was just past 15 min that the drizzle started again"its gonna rain i don't wanna get wet lets go" she said "yeah" i agreed, all of a sudden the drizzles became my worst enemy.... "I'll leave now catch you tomm" she said binding a reason for me to come to class....

That was all i needed a reason.... and i finally got one... As days passed by our friendship grew "its almost two weeks mahn and you havnt asked for her number.. its friendship day tommm ask her then" said my rommie... "why the fck do i need her number..i cant talk on phone for hours and any which ways we talk everyday" i said, but i wanted a plan for friendships day... gift would look inappropriate right now!!! may be i can ask her for a cup of coffee or lunch but some other day !!! coz i was all excited for the party that was happening in our college** mahn i love d.j nights, dancing, partying... so the next day before we could go and attened the party we thought of having few (energy) drinks lol... (you probably know what few means lol). We went to this restaurant it was a fine dining restaurant that served alchohol.."two large j.d with coke and 1 bacardi with coke" i said, he got the order "cheerss" we screamed, i know feel why they say cheers its because it spreads this feel good feeling around... but honestly you wont feel good after few drinks.. anyways "repeat it" i said twice, thrice by this time i was completely sloshed "there is more of alcohol than blood in my body right now.. my group single malt :D" i said with a laugh... i was feeling light "lets go its time" said a friend, so we wrapped up our drinks bottoms up!!! as i cleared the bill and was about to leave i saw her entering... she passed on a smile to me... i could see that spark in her eyes when she smiled as if this smile is only meant for me and i was a happy man coz i have seen her and not to be forgotten i was drunk :P "not attending the party" i asked coz she wasnt dressed for a party "no i dont like it " she said and the second she said this i had a huge frown on my face, may be she sensed it but i dint realise that she isnt drunk, many a times when a person gets drunk, he feels what he;s doing is right but the person on the recieving end that doesnt understands a single word you say.... yeah!!! who understands when you talk jibberish anyways :P (sarcasm)... Trust me talkin to a girl you like when you're drunk is a very bad idea*** but i didnot realise it coz after two drinks i was feeling free and bold... "so you must be goin to the party?" she asked, I looked at my friends i cant see them, their picture was fading away from the scene "aaahh!!! noo actually i was out this morning so came by to drink and chat with friends" i said, " you arnt a party lover??? " "nooooo" i said with a nod making my face as if parties makes me sad .... "good so join me for lunch" she ordered (lol i felt like that was an order) i joined her for lunch we spoke for hours, shared few drinks this feeling was great to be with her, being around her talkin to her and thats when i realised she loves spending time with mee too!!! That smile on her face when i say something funny... the way she gets upset when i strech the joke a little longer and the way she disagrees and argues... All this while what i noticed was she wasnt bored et'al she enojyed my company as much as i did... Our talks grew deeper, it was then when i realised that even she had fallen for me (or may be it was the drink playin its voilin in my heart*) i felt an urge to ask for her number but i controlled it "may be i'm drunk and its not the right time" i said to myself..Finally we were done with our lunch... "drop me home will you?" she asked "yes no problem" i said instantly, I just wanted to spend more time with her, even if we don't talk its her presence that makes me feel so good... so we started walking ... It was quiet for a while when we were walking "It was nice you met me or else i wud have been bored eatin all alone " she said, my my i was on cloud nine. Should i ask her out now??? i questioned myself... It wouldnt make any sense asking her out right now its not the perfect time... or may be she wants me to ask her out....however it would be foolish to ask her out now* (i guess its a taurean trait that makes me so cautious**) soon her apartment arrived "It was fun today we should do this more often skipping the drinking part" i said..... "yeah it was " she said with a laugh...." I enjoyed it too so i'll see you in college on monday and may be we can have lunch together" .... "yeah i was thinking the same" i said. With a sweet simle on her face she gave me a hug and said "goodbye" Bye arn't always good, in my case it was bad... I cudn't wait for monday, i kept making plans i was getting restless, all the while i could think was of monday to arrive...
FINALLY!!!! Monday arrived, this day was the same like the first day of college, it is my day i thought ... with the feeling of joy in my heart i went to the class my eyes were now lookin for her... so that i could get that one smile i waited for!!! I looked around i cudnt find her i thought may be she'll come late, it was lunch time and there was still no clue of her, may be she isnt attending today i thought "is she alright ???" alarmed my heart, may be i should ask those chipmunk ladies "Have you seen her" i asked one of them "No she left the college last night she got through in a medical college" everything crashed on my head the feeling was so bad that i get goosebumps right now explaining it to you ... i asked them wether she has given her contact number or left any messg but it wasnt a positive reply... Suddenly the buliding i had made in my dreams came falling right down and it was ground zero...Days months and years passed by and i never heard a thing from her....
what do i regret is my question "Do i regret not asking her phone number???"
or "Do i regret ditching my friends that day ??" well all the time spent with her, around her, thinkin of her was so much fun. I dont regret anything but i hope to see her someday atleast once before i die.... what i learnt from then on was life doesnt always sets up scenes for you... sometimes even you gotta put in efforts to make a scene work... the way she left still haunts me it made me feel like a complete stranger standing all alone.... may be it wasnt destined.
I had a great time with her and i wont be able to find her again...but a hope still remains.
Serendipty was it???

thats all folks!!!